Thank You

I was getting ready for college when my uncle called from the hospital. She was no more. I didn’t know whether to feel sad that she has died or to feel happy that she has died at last. The news of her death wasn’t shocking to us but her loss was unacceptable. She was only 70. She was a cancer patient. She was a cancer survivor for the most part of her life. She, my grandmother, my mother’s mother was a woman of substance, and she was a woman I hadn’t spoken to nicely in a long time.

I had visited the hospital just two days ago. She was put on life support system. I didn’t agree with the idea of putting her on a life support system. She wasn’t conscious. The doctors too had told us already to take her home and wait till she breathes her last. She was a fighter, and so were her children. They chose not to give up yet, they chose to fight against the disease that was enjoying the destruction of organs. Her children decided to make it easier for her to leave. They didn’t want her to wither away in pain. One by one, her tissues started to fail. Liver stopped responding, kidneys stopped performing, lungs gave way, but she, somehow, thrived on. Continue reading

Advertisements

Fear, Outcomes & Realizations

Last night was a heavy night. I found myself in a place where I hadn’t been from a very long time. I was moving away from it because I have always believed that life is in movement. But even when I was always moving away from it, my past hadn’t moved much. It clung to me like a weed, sucking its life from my every breath. Paying attention to it was bad, even thinking about it was bad. My past appears to me like a hot oven, one touch and I draw my hand back from it. I have been hopelessly trying to protect myself from my past. Fear of getting face to face with it stopped my energy to move ahead. Fear is nothing but a shrinking. When I am happy, I expand and engulf everybody in my happiness. When I am afraid, I shrink, I hide in my own shell. I shrink in everyway – in love, in relationships, in every way. I am afraid to go out, I become a turtle. Continue reading